Pre-Ride Countdown – Day 5

From "The Mule", Sleepless in Brevard

 

After months of physical and mental training, meticulous planning by the Founder, route reconnaissance, re-planning, and numerous, dutiful, decision making BNO’s; the alternate route for the 2012 bike ride has now garnered the attention of the purpose-driven Sloth bike brigade.  As a result, the trip is in logistical upheaval today.

 

To wit:

 

Yesterday, the severely under-challenged Jerry (aka McManly) inquires of the location and street address for the meet up hotel this Sunday evening.   Today, Jerry announces “he’s OUT” due to something work related.   An unexpected, seismic event, but instantly the virility of the remaining riders is introspectively called into question.   Is the alternative route too easy for the Man because old people and young children are known users of the C&O Tow Path and Allegheny Passage Trail, or is his abandonment because of the less than grueling 1.5% maximum grade changes?   Or, is it some hidden political agenda having something to do with an upcoming presidential election, or, even worse, could it be the return of the unspoken and dreaded hemorrhoids?

 

Needless to say, Jerry will be “sorely” missed, but Sloths are destined to ride and the show must go on.  

 

Time will tell if the remaining five will arrive.

 

Analytical Alan -   As a covert advisor to the recently published “No Easy Day,” Double-A maintains his pre-ride radio silence and presumably his stealth training.   Alan’s reason for riding is work related.  He dreams of a retiree’s retirement, but has reluctantly become the indentured servant of well-heeled and mostly paying clients.   Fortunately, the headquarters for the CIA is not far from the beginning point for the ride in Mount Vernon so Agent Double-A has a good chance of an indiscrete showing.    Probable Equipment - Full Suspension 29’er w/ panniers full of tools and military-grade electronic gadgets

 

Kautious Kevbo -   Kevin is suspiciously cautious for a reason – he’s a younger Sloth and doesn’t trust his elder Sloths.    It was Kevin’s reconnaissance in West Virginia earlier this summer that led to a change in bike routes.  Granted the alternate route was less appealing to those self-proclaimed to be more-manly.   However, being risk adverse, Kevin has decided to seek refuge from a 14-hour one-on-one truck ride with Johnny and drive his own self to Mount Vernon.  Probable Equipment -  precautionarily, he will likely bring two bikes – a new hardtail 29’er and a touring bike, probably with panniers and a trailer.   

 

Bodacious Bubba -   Double and Triple “B” (aka Bob Brown-Barios) is on a Mt. Mitchell high, having gained some instant celebrity for his “Marathon Hiker” quotes in the local newspaper following a 5K roadrace in Asheville last weekend.  Bubba is scrambling for transport today because he was riding with the former McManly.     Bubba and his booby trailer are soon to be parted as his bike may find its way to the back of Johnny’s pickup truck.   Probable Equipment – New hardtail 29’er, no pannies for Bubba, he’s pulling the only trailer for this trip.  His motto – “Be like Hunter.”

 

Dog Bite Dick -   DBD (aka the Mountain Mule) has nothing better to do than to send out incessant and annoying emails as training tips for this trip.   Little Johnny’s helper was instrumental in some of the logistical details for pre-planning the alternate route – Mount Vernon – Washington, D.C. – Pittsburgh.   Now able to walk without the benefit of crutches after foolishly breaking up his dogs fighting, Dick has re-committed to actually riding the route.   With 3.5 hours of HARD riding time on his new bike in the last month, his physical stamina is questionable and yet unproven.  Fortunately, there is the Bubba factor as well as a number of train stations along the route.  Probable Equipment – New, very red, hardtail 29’er with recently changed fresh air in his knobby tires and retrofitted with racks and panniers.

 

Jubilant Johnny -   The Founder is extremely happy he will not be blamed for any planning miscues on this bike trip.   In fact, anything that goes wrong on this trip is officially Jerry’s fault for not being more insistent for making us stick with the more strenuous original bike route.  Double-J is also happy he can tailgate at the 8 PM FSU-Clemson game the night before his 14-hour drive to Mount Vernon and will be able to attend the FSU-NCState game in Raleigh at the conclusion of the bike ride.   At the request of the now perpetual Virtual Rider Hunter, the Founder has re-activated another blogspot for the 2012 trip.   If we were not to be burdened with carrying Hunter’s rain tarp, the least we can do is to be saddled with the responsibility of keeping Hunter entertained for a couple of weeks.   Probable Equipment – after endless C&O Tow Trail Google-searches resulting in a preponderance of obese riders and their preferred bike equipment, the Founder decided a modified touring bike with panniers was his best non-welded option.  Founder has indicated he may not bring food or water and feels panhandling would lighten his load.

 

A special shout out goes to Jerry, Hunter, Billy, Pretty Girl Cox, Vic, Jorge, and Joe Beckham for their encouragement, criticism, camaraderie, advice on personal hygiene, and training support in the months leading up to this ride.   It would be an understatement to say that Billy and Joe are the only ones trained for this ride.